Acting And Baseball – Time To Fix Them

By Bob Fraser

This last weekend I watched the first several games of the Little League World Series – which goes through next weekend. Hoorah!  As you know, if you read my jottings with any regularity, I like baseball and an occasional beer. The point is what I observed, as I cheered on the Little Leaguers – these 11 and 12 year-olds just purely love the game. It's pretty darn important to them. They cry when they lose.

It's worth it to watch these kids play, just to see how much they care about what they are doing – and the people in the stands who care about the outcome. There is no greater fan in the world than a proud parent. I especially like that fact that the teams don't try to "one-up" anyone in advance. They don't call themselves "diamondbacks" or "pirates" or "tigers" – they are known by the name of their town – or their country.

So that's my first fix for major league baseball. No more asinine team names. Just Atlanta. Just Pittsburgh. Just Detroit.  No Braves, Pirates, or Tigers. Why bring up a sore point with a Native American group, those hard-working buccaneers or an entire species?

Next step: No trading. Up to the ‘bigs’ or back down to the minors, that’s it. Once you start playing for Baltimore, you might as well buy a house there – ‘cause you’re staying there.

A really big fix for fans: If the commentator is not as funny as Bob Uecker, stifle the attempts at humor. Just tell us what's going on.

And a very important change for everybody: No more cussing.

You don't have to be any kind of lip reader to see what our big leaguers are saying when things don’t go their way. Let’s put a "cuss kitty" in the dugout and give the money to charity.  Five hundred bucks for the “F” word ought to curtail it – somewhat.

Seriously, I'm tired of seeing that word. A Sunday afternoon double header isn't The Sopranos.

Okay. Now on to fixing professional show business ...

First, care deeply. Cry when you lose.

I know, I know, "there's no crying in baseball" – but there is crying in show business.

"There's a broken heart for every light on Broadway," ain't just a cliché – it is the truth. And that goes double for Tinseltown. If you don't care about the outcome, the audience won't care either.

Specifics?

All righty then, let's get our industry back on an even keel ...

First, we all have to stop participating in "reality" shows, mean-spirited "comedy," "cause" drama, "political" music, "info-tainment," sex, blood and gore for it's own sake, gossip mongering and other not-very-nice ways of taking up people's time. If we actors stopped playing along, this stuff would go away.

Niche marketing is bad for Show Biz – and it will eventually drive the audience away completely. (Check the numbers – we're dying here.) Eventually, even your asocial-sub-teen-goth-gamer is going to want to laugh and cry and get caught up in a story. Cynical irony is fine around street or playground – but it’s a bad fit for adults ... and just totally lousy for the future of the entertainment business.

Also, cussing isn't helping us much either. We COULD curtail the cussing just a bit.

Maybe we could even stretch ourselves and make a few offerings that appealed to a wider group of people like, oh ... let's say families. I don't think I should have to point out that 4 or 5 people coming into the theatre is more than 1 or 2 people.

Also – those actors, writers, directors and producers who think it's their job to educate and inform the public, have themselves confused with teachers. We are not here to teach – we are here to DO. That's what audiences are hungry for. Watching us DO things – where they care about the outcome. Wanna teach? Blessings. But that's not the purpose of Show Biz.

Listen to the audience. Sure, I’ve heard the argument: Pirates Of The Caribbean made a couple hundred million, so we must be doing something right.  Listen, if they'd charged 10 dollars a ticket for The Wizard Of Oz, it would have made like 7 BILLION BUCKS... and The Wizard of Oz was considered a "flop."

Keep in mind that this is all about the audience. If the audience is not the focal point of your next project – you should probably ask yourself whether it's in your best interest to be involved. Will the audience care? Will you? Is it worth crying about?

In my opinion, we should all have a litmus test. Is this funny? Is this entertaining? Is this a tragedy? Is this a story worth telling? Yeah, I know, I just inadvertently implied that dreaded word: Standards. Sorry about that.

On a lighter note, I think we actors should stop identifying ourselves with a place – Los Angeles Actor, New York Actor, Chicago Actor, etc. That's not helping us. I think WE should have team names: Cub Actors. Pirate Actors. Giant Actors. Brave Actors.

I'm positive that everyone will get behind this border-line brilliant idea.

Like ... uh, Red Socks Actors.

You know that type, right?